Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My Funny Trip to Warren County Administration

After two years of living in Iowa and having to rely on people or my own two smelly French feet to get me anywhere, I decided to get a driver's license. I need a driver's license because, even though the United States of America is the country of freedom and liberty where dreams come true, I cannot drive with my French license.

Anyway, I went to Warren County Administration, which is across the street from my campus, to gather some information and paperwork. The nice lady behind the counter told me that I need to pass all the tests, just like an American citizen would, even though I have been driving for 5 years now. 

So, the last time I had been there, I brought my passport, my license, and a proof of residency--in that case, a letter from my college saying that I was living on campus, and studying in Iowa. We can therefore, with a fair amount of certainty, assume that I am an Iowa resident. 

NO! Not for the administration of this country! Apparently, saying that you study and live on a campus located in Iowa is not a proof of residency. The lady told me that I could be studying here, living on campus, and still be a resident of Missouri. 

First of all, who would like to live in Missouri? And secondly, why would I study in a college in one state, but live in another? Do they think I love driving several hours every day to go to class? I can't drive, I don't have a LICENSE! 

But the funny part is that a bank statement or even a bill from a local doctor are proofs of residency! 

So, to be clear here, living and studying all year in a state does not make you a resident. However, going to see a doctor for a headache--potentially while you are simply passing through--is the best proof of all time!

Finally, when you've gone through all that paperwork, it only cost you 10 bucks, and one hour to get a license. And yet we wonder why people are bad drivers...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Top Ten Things I Can Do Since I Live in The US

France and The United states of America have a cultural gap that allows me to offer you a Top ten things I can do since I live in the US.

10. I can get girls with my accent.

9. I can watch 30 minutes of commercials every 10 minutes.

8. I can count in Fahrenheit, where zero is actually 32...Still don't get it.

7. I can get run over by a driver who is only 16.

6. I can watch 200 channels with nothing on...but commercials.

5. I can speak French only to bother people.

4. I can know that the stats of the NFL are provided to me by Gatorade!

3. I cannot say the F-word on TV, but I can write pamphlets about how much I hate Jews/gays/Canadians.

2. I can sell my liver to get a heart surgery.

And the number 1 of top ten things I can do since I live in the US...

1. I can more easily get a license to carry a gun than a driver's license.

Monday, January 16, 2012

We Don't All Smell Bad and Have Funny Mustaches...

Living in the United States of America was a dream--a dream that came true a year ago when I officially became a student at Simpson College, IA. Having the opportunity to live here allows me to see for myself what makes America one of the most popular and desired countries in the world.

First of all, I would like to clarify something. French people LIKE Americans and America. Do I have to remind you that the US Army "saved" us during World War II? Probably not since some of my American friends think that the French flag is all white! We love the American culture that brings us TV shows, music, and Blockbuster movies. Have you guys ever seen a French blockbuster movie?...Me neither! 

Saying that the French flag is white raises one of many stereotypes that face French people in the US. We apparently smell bad, as evidenced by the famous character Pepe le Pew. You should know that we take more showers than the average American; at least, that has been my experience living with three Americans. 

And for the American guys, French girls are NOT hairy, and some of them pay more attention to grooming than American girls. So, if you ever have a shot with a French girl, go for it! We are the people of love.

And I should mention that America owes France a lot. We fought for your freedom in the Revolutionary War. If you don't believe me, just ask Mel Gibson. He was there.